Things I Resolve To Do in 2014 (Maybe)

“Ugh I forgot to wash my face. But I’m already in bed…how dirty could my face possibly be? I should get up. I should totally get up. I should clean my room tomorrow. And organize my closet. And recycle.”


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Yes I’m aware that it’s January 19th. Punctuality is a lifelong goal of mine. Along with:

  • Getting out of bed the second time my alarm goes off
  • Spilling less than 3 beverages a day #babysteps
  • Buying a sense of direction (I heard Etsy is selling those now)
  • Throwing things away when I finish eating them instead of looking like a creepy container hoarder until the next time I happen to move
  • “I’m five minutes away, I swear!” “Tiffany I can hear the faucet I know you didn’t leave the house.” “……..Sorry” 
  • ^^Doing less of that
  • Drinking less coffee
  • Buying makeup that actually matches my skin tone as opposed to self-tanning more than a B-list celebrity
  • Walking to work instead of taking the subway (unless its cold out)
  • (Or I’m tired)
  • (Or late)
  • Wearing the outfit that I picked out the night before instead of changing 25 times before eventually settling on my original choice
  • Understanding that Long Island Iced Teas are never okay
  • Eating more green things (Airheads don’t count)
  • Buying bottles of wine for quality instead of quantity
  • Wearing lipstick everyday
  • Putting more effort into finding a stable relationship (on opposite day)
  • Reducing my tendency to piss off waitstaff (apparently they don’t like when you ask what the cheapest drink on the menu is)
  • Writing in my blog more

A wise man on Pinterest once said ““Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.”

Wish me luck!


A Very X-Rated Xmas

Blame it on the Merlot, or blame it on the fact that my head is permanently in the gutter, but I couldn’t help but notice how dirty the act of decorating a Christmas tree actually sounds if you close your eyes (or in my case, zone out because you tend to break more ornaments than you hang up and opt for drinking and directing instead). ‘Tis the season to be inappropriate!

Christmas tree with presents and fireplace with stockings

Image courtesy of 

“No no, take that out of there and move it down a bit.”

“I said you’ve already got the top half covered! Move down!”

“Al wants a big one in the bottom.”

“Mmmhm right there. Yeah, perfect!”

“What about the small ones?? If you always use big ones then there’s no room for the small ones.”

“Why do I feel like I’m the only one participating?”

“Wait, what are we going to do with all of these balls??”

“Phew. Glad that’s over.”